The Confidence Myth
You’re intelligent enough to know confidence doesn’t exist.
We both know this.
But it’s easier to ignore than to understand what it actually is.
Let’s try a thought experiment:
Think back to a time when you were completely confident.
Was it something you forced? Something you built? Or was it effortless, almost a sensation of “this is who I actually am.”
Maybe you thought of a specific social situation where you felt certain in every word you spoke
Maybe you thought of a time where you followed your gut instinct and it magically worked out.
“Confidence” is just a deep trust in who you are.
When that trust is present, overthinking, self-doubt, the feeling of being unqualified dissolves naturally.
Those symptoms only exist where trust is absent.
Because when you don’t know who you are or worse hide from it, you are terrified. Terrified the real you, the one with weaknesses, fears, doubts will be seen.
Your brain perceives this as a threat and now it becomes quite obvious why you spiral at 2am.
Psychological strengthening
The mask isn’t you, deep down you know this is. But it’s worked so well, you can’t remove it now.
What happens if they find out?
Especially the ones you respect. What changes in their image of you?
Our social programming cannot handle this.
To counter, we overthink, ruminate, worry to logically critique the mask, in order for it to be strengthened.
To cover the potholes and cracks.
“No one can see the real me.”
Your unconscious mind has been secretly conflicted with this for years.
This is the source of your inner betrayal.
You hide from yourself for others.
You repress your gut instinct and shamed parts that require your attention.
You’ve placed others above you.
The subconscious understands this.
If your “confidence” is anchored to anything outside you, results, reputation, your last win it is always up for sale.
It can always be taken.
If it’s anchored to you... your gut, your own knowing, your own back, nothing can take it.
You will still feel nervous. You’re allowed to. You’re human.
But nerves from this place feel different.
They remind you that you’re alive. That what you do matters. That you get to experience life in it’s rawest form.
Excitement > anxiety.
You’ve lost that.
You look outward for something that has only ever lived inward. Every external solution deepens the trap.
I know this well because I was once there too.
Every framework, every technique, every sentiment points you further from the thing that’s actually missing.
Keep in mind most solutions are in response to this. They soothe you. Reassure you. Which is fine for most.
But most people will never understand the genius inside your mind.
You have to be willing to rebuild the relationship between who you are and how you see yourself.
That’s the real work.
The willingness to have your own back to feel the fear, the doubt, the sting in the same physical way, but without the judgement.
Without the labels manufactured by voices you don’t even respect.
It is not your fault.
However… since it is your life, it does not matter whose fault it is. It is your responsibility.
Which is exactly why I don’t heal or therapize those who read my content or who I partner with.
I lead them back to their competent selves. Every tool I use is simply a doorway to this.
I respect your genius.
Internally solid >< Externally solid
—Cogito Ergo Sum